This is the true story of Erica and Joey two successful professional African Americans living in Washington, DC
*Erica ( 26) dated * Joey (29) for about 2 months before they even had sex. (An accomplishment for both of them). They went out to dinner, the movies, spent weekends together, and spoke about everything, well almost everything. Finally after 8 long weeks, on her birthday, she decided the time was right and decided to consummate their dating.
For the next couple of weeks they enjoyed long nights of eating, drinking, and off the hook sex. One particular time the condom broke. Another time, it “fell off”. Shortly after she noticed a pattern started to develop, but she didn’t confront him about it. It seemed like every time they had sex, he would either refuse to wear a condom, or the condom would mysteriously “fall off.” Falling deeper and deeper for this man, Erica decided she would have a talk with one of her girlfriends and come up with a way to confront Joey about it. He seemed like a cool dude, and he just got out of a long term relationship so she wasn’t the least bit concerned about disease, plus he was a professional hard working man. If anything she feared she might get pregnant since birth control is only 99% effective.
You better get it together girl, that shit is not cute, or safe. You don’t know what he has and you need to tell him he better use a condom or no coochie for him. Her worried friends tried to school her, but still she felt that if she confronted him about the situation, he would think she didn’t trust him. So she ignored the situation.
2 more months elapsed and Erica had not had the talk with Joey. As far as Erica was concerned they were in a committed relationship and there was no need to discuss STDs. She was only sleeping with him. The next week in the middle of a phone conversation, Erica casually mentioned to Joey that she is glad that they are finally a couple. Joey seemed shocked by this comment, “Nah, we are just kicking it,”he said. ”Erica, I told you months ago I wasn’t ready for a relationship, yeah we have fun together but I don’t consider us a couple, I thought we were just friends.” “Joey, are you serious, we’ve been fucking each other for months, raw at that, are you saying you are with other chicks?” Joey was unphased by her outrage. In fact he saw nothing wrong with having unprotected sex with Erica and countless others. Erica’s naivety and displaced trust in this “stranger” led her to believe, that he was only having sex with her, when in fact he was sexing several other women without protection.
7 months later, Erica gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. 4 months prior Erica was diagnosed as being HIV positive. Fortunately the baby did not inherit the disease. Unfortunately Erica has to deal with being a single Mother/ African American HIV positive woman. All of her dreams may not be realized. And her life will be unnecessarily cut short.
She was too afraid to ask Joey if he had been tested. She assumed that because of his nice, kind, and innocent demeanor and since he had mentioned that he had gotten out of a long-term relationship he was “safe.” She didn’t want to hurt his feelings. She ignored common sense, and the advice or her friends. All because out of all the time they spent together talking, they never had THIS TALK.
The moral of this story is use common sense. Always use condoms. Don’t assume anything. A formal conversation regarding when your last tests were taken, and what the status of your relationship is is imperative. You must get tested for STDs and HIV. Next time, before you think about having unprotected sex with someone you might want to ask …rather, insist that you have “The Talk.”
The rate of African American women getting infected with HIV has increased by 25% over the last 5 years. We are becoming the largest infected group in the U.S. to contract the deadly virus. AIDS is real. There is nothing, nobody, or no feeling worth dying for.
72 Comments
i was hoping 4 a happy ending, God Speed young sister, hold it down
real talk you have to have this talk before you find out from your gyn or get embarassed to learn you have something.
well me and my fiance have been together for 1yr and we have talked about it. we both have been tested and are both ok. but we decided that before we have sex unprotected we will get another test just to be safe. I wish that more parents(esp mothers)in our community would have the conversation as frequently as they talk about bullies drugs or school. change starts with you. me. us. with just 1 person
My heart aches everytime I hear this story its becoming all to common.I’m not going to claim that I know why so many of my sister’s & I put others before ourselves. Especially when it comes to our bodies. “WE ARE KILLING” ourselves all in the name of feelings that come & and go. That’s why as a mother of a daughter I teach her that she is worth much more than words or even a little action. Those things don’t equal her life. But herritarally she’s already starting to show signs of the low self esteem that has plagued my family & generations of women before us. But she’s nine so I pray that after many years of me telling her that she’s worth true trust & love she will choose to protect herself.Hell I tell my son the same thing “strap up if you love yourself”. As a woman I’ve had times were I didn’t quit value myself. But now I know my worth and will never settle for less. I ask that every woman (and man) out there grab hold of their worth and don’t let it go until you know as much as a person can that (who ever) it is, is worthly of trust. Until then make them strap up. And if they fuss or fight about it (being strapped) not being on point that way Run as fast as you can because you are not the first and most likely won’t be the last!!!! Get tested together as a fifth date. I don’t care how you bring it up or put it out there get tested, get tested, get tested!! ITS TO IMPORTANT NOT TO!
Until then make them strap up. And if they fuss or fight about it (being strapped) not being on point that way Run as fast as you can because you are not the first and most likely won’t be the last!!!! Get tested together as a fifth date. I don’t care how you bring it up or put it out there get tested, get tested, get tested!! ITS TO IMPORTANT NOT TO!
I have had tha clap 7 times, sad to say that but god has been with me never caught anything i could not get rid of.I did not love my self for many years to worried about keeping men happy but now no condom no you cause if i don’t protect myself there won’t be a me.
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